Thursday, March 25, 2010

84/365 GUILT

Guilt is a heavy thing moms get to carry or at least I get to in my back pocket daily. Guilt about sending my kids out the door forgetting to say prayer, for sending them to school with a bowl of sugar in the bellies, for yelling and using words I shouldnt or for ignoring their story while I watched tv or just zoned out and only nodding when they take a breath..
But today when the kids woke up the guilt that hit me in the stomach was so heavy it about knocked me out. Maddie first strolled in my room crying but the lights were out so I layed her down by me and then Rich turned on the lights and BAM her face was so swollen and red I wanted to cry. I didnt I knew it would freak her out but really the slap in the face echoed in my head. Then I called Kaden in (who slept on the couch because he couldnt sleep) and OMG I seriously have never hated myself more. He looked like a bulldog as he put it. So swollen and red. They were both troopers but it was obvious nobody was going to school. We did aloe cold rags and motrin. I called and made an appt with our doc to see about cream but they called back and told me a few things we should do and that we really didnt need to bring them in.. did I mention Maddies face was weeping.. yuck and sad and omg bad parent!
I had a photo shoot this morning but when I was done we had lunch and I went and got lots of gatorade to force down them.. lots and lots of liquids. By late afternoon I started to see that the swelling was going down.. mostly Maddie, Kaden still looks pretty miserable. Im really hoping the night will bring some relief and they will wake up looking more like themselves.
So our Snow day ended up causing a hell day. They both have decided snow isnt that cool. I cant believe that I didnt think of sunscreen.. how dumb is that!
Maddie had her 1st grade showcase tonight and didnt want to go until right before we needed to leave so we hustled over after putting a hat on her.. and I have to admit to feeling a lot better after seeing a lot of little ones running around with bright red faces. Her best friend at school had a major burn too and her mom and I both said that it was great seeing we werent the only ones!
Anyways.. long post. But I am hoping and praying that they look and feel better in the morning. Kaden has the most healing to do at this point. I hate that I as a parent made a very bad choice and now my kids have to suffer.. I hate it!
Anyways Maddie had the opening line in her showcase and I was so so proud of her for deciding to brave it and go. Most of her issues were because of how she looked.. neither of them had allowed me to take pictures all day.
This was all Kaden would allow me..
and I promised not to post this one.. but really it just shows what an awesome parent I am! So much swelling has gone down.. earlier there was no cheeks chin it was just one big swollen mess.. so happy its going down!
Maddie got her spunk back tonight and felt so much better!

And about 30 minutes after putting this one to bed I realized I hadnt snapped a pic of her.. she was still awake and was pretty excited that I showed up...
until I said go to sleep! Then she was ticked!

Heres a few pics from my session today! Go on over to SnapHappy to see some more!


alison said...

I felt so bad for Maddie when I saw her puffy little cheeks. I've been there MANY times. They've just got such fair sensitive skin. She looked darling in her hat though--and it was cute how she was so ready to do her little 'moves' at the end of the songs. You could see her trying to hold back--such a dancer!

Haley L said...

If I listed all the times I have screwed up as a parent, social services would come take my kids! Guilt is a naughty word. SO proud that Maddie changed her mind on her program. You go, girl!

tamiz said...

Ok,I expected much worse. I know you said they looked better but that really just looked like they had some good color...I know that from the pain and swelling it was really a burn but I think you were too hard on yourself. I'm on Haley's side about SS taking my kids too if they knew about me too. Maddie's cheeks looked the same as Abbie's (name?). Woot woot,6 days!

Melissa said...

Ouch!! I would have never thought of sunscreen in the winter either!

Erica said...

Really don't beat yourself up- most of us wouldn't have thought of it either. Chalk it up to a lesson learned. We all make mistakes- don't be too hard on yourself!!

Elizabeth said...

I too felt so bad for them..and you! I am just glad they are feeling a little better now. I hope that "spa" treatment works really well!! :)That is awesome that Maddie went to her program...I bet she did great! We have ALL had those awful guilt feelings...believe me!

Angela said...

Sunscreen in the winter was a hard lesson I had to learn as a kid myself. I never forget it now though! :) Glad to see them looking better. I always carry guilt along with me too Kris. None of us are perfect parents. It would be nice if we were though.... It would make my life alot less stressful. :)

Angela said...

P.S. I think you are so brave to post on your blog about making an honest mistake. I still haven't posted about my mistake because I still feel so terrible about it. You are someone I look up to for sure. Life goes on I guess.. Just wish I could have a time machine and fix a few mistakes that I have made... Thanks for sharing your story.