Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sunday walks

We had a super fun, nice, relaxing Sunday! Rich and I took a Sunday run around the lake.. and that was gross.. way to many bugs, I ran with my head down and my arms acting like a saw mill! I'm sure it looked funny! But it was really nice to get a run in!

After church we spend the evening outside playing and eating dinner and after our bellies settled we took a walk around the lake.. with the kids this time! On the way to the lake Kaden hitched a ride while Malia tried to kick his hands off.. it was funny stuff!

I think we are really starting to enjoy our new Sunday evening tradition!
I also have to say thank you for the support from my earlier post. The sweet comments and emails have been really nice, I am glad that so many of you understand! I will be making it private in a couple days.

Working on my P52 for this week.. sadly I only brought my 50mm so I couldn't quite get close enough for the birds reflection to work :(

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Shut'in it down!

I guess this is a love letter and a goodbye letter to this blog.
I created this blog at first as a way to keep family and friends up to date on our family especially while we were in the process of adopting Malia. There was no way I could keep everyone updated on everything and it was overwhelming having to explain the process to so many people and was really nice to be able to do that in this open forum.
I also wanted my blog to be open for other adopting families to help others understand the process. I knew how helpful it was for me to be able to follow the process on others blogs especially seeing the little faces home. It kept me sane.
After Malia came home we continued and it has become my journal. A way to keep track of what my babies are doing and have done because I am not very good at sitting down and writing it out on paper.

I have gotten to a point where I am ready to change how I do things though. I have found that I have presented myself in a way that is unfair to my own character. Not only on my blog but other public forums and situations. I have opened myself and my family up to criticism and judgement that is unfair and unwarranted. And realizing how others view me and my kids has been heartbreaking.
I feel like I have been party to a witch hunt, I'm on the rock with stones being thrown and shouting "Its not true, theres no proof!" but nobody can hear me because of the betrayal to myself in misrepresenting myself.

A couple years ago I started to feel stronger about who I am and felt strong enough to protect myself against certain things. I was really happy to be feeling like I knew who I was and who I wanted to become. I am a pretty sarcastic person, I rip on myself more than anything else and truly like to make people laugh until they cry. I like to anonymously help others because I am uncomfortable with the attention it brings. I take pride in the mother that I am, but have the knowledge that I am not a perfect mother, wife, friend, Christian or just person.

So learning that people view me differently than I view myself sucks to be honest, especially when I felt like I had been trying to be so true to myself lately. I the worst part is knowing that even though I know certain things aren't true, I can only blame myself for putting a certain energy out in the world for things to come back to me in this way.

I have loved meeting new people through this outlet. I have made very good friendships because of this blog in particular and so I am thankful for that. I want to thank everyone who has commented on the funny, the hard and the sad. I have been boosted many times because of those comments, they were really appreciated.

But I am shutting it down. For the last 6 months or so I have quit blogging for the most part because I have felt so self conscious and worried way to much about what I am saying and doing. Whether I am bragging about my kids to much and putting their pictures up. And now looking back I am so mad at myself because there are so many things already lost because I didn't journal it on here this year. I am so disappointed in myself for letting others feelings about me dictate how I run my life. I guess I have had my Oprah aha moment. And now I am ready to move on!

I will continue this blog but it is going to be private, except for family and a few close friends. If you want to be one of those close friends let me know. I will be making this private in a few days so comment or email me. I will also be clearing out my facebook to mostly family or close friends that I have weekly interaction with because sometimes that is just the easiest way to get in touch with people. This isnt personal, Im not looking to hurt any ones feelings, truly I am not. I just need to clear things out and make my life a little simpler and safer.

Thanks again for being a part of our lives and sharing yours too!

Friday, May 27, 2011

The Victim...

Yep I am laughing my butt off.. again! It started with a necklace, and then Malia decided daddy needed to look like a princess, and if you give a girl permission to dress up her daddy then she wants lip gloss, and if you give a girl permission to put on lip gloss she wants make up.. and so on and so on!
And at first he put up a pretty good fight.. but there are 3 of us girls and we won!

He went and showered after, but he is still quite sparkly and shimmering in the light right now and every time I get a glimpse I bite my cheeks to keep from laughing to hard!

And if daddy gets to play dress up the little girlies needed to too!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

A girls weekend

This weekend Kaden and Rich headed down to Colorado Springs for Kadens tourney! Which left us girls alone! We didnt have whole lot to do other than some dance meetings and a class so we did some shopping, painted fingers and toes, Maddie did Malias makeup.. and hers (which I never got a pic of :( ) We ate plenty of junk and watched movies and just had a fun time!
Rich hasnt shared any pics of Kadens games if he got any.. hon?? Kadens team didnt do so great at the tourney, but I think we are all getting use to that. Its hard always playing bigger, older teams!
BUT on the bright side Kaden had a couple really great games. In 2 games that both went 17-2 Kaden was one of those points and the other was a RBI for him! He also had a couple great sliding catches and he ended up with the game ball on the second game.
They stayed in a hotel with the rest of the team and was able to have lots of fun hanging in the pool. Im glad they had a guys weekend and had so much!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I Heart Faces ~ May Flowers

I took this photo last year and it remains my favorite non-person picture Ive ever taken. It was really hard to get because I had to hold my camera over the water in the pond and pray I wouldn't drop it or fall in! I haven't participated in IHF for a couple weeks and this week is a non comp but I knew exactly which photo I would enter, even if its just for fun!

Go on over to IHF to see some amazingly gorgeous May Flowers!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Project 52 ~ Spring Fever

After a long hiatus because of sick kids and moving I am finally back on track with my p52! So I missed a few weeks but thats ok!
This weeks theme on MCP is "Spring Fever" and tonight we bar b qued and I was itching to get some good photos of the kids without them posing and lucky me Kaden and Malia started running around chasing each other and wrestling and it made my day!
I think my favorite part of being a kid was getting to run around on the grass and roll around. As an adult I still love walking bare foot on the grass when its nice and green and soft, the kind where you can sit anywhere and it smells and feels fresh.. love me some fresh green grass!
And add to that the kids giggling and rolling around.. it was perfect!

Spring is here and things are green!

GREEN GRASS!!! Oh it makes me so so happy to see green! There is just something about it that makes me fill refreshed and happy and energized! I love being able to send the kids outside to play and especially on a Sunday after church, going out to bar-b-que and hearing the kids run and play with each other is just heaven!
Kaden and Malia were having lots of fun wrestling today, it was pretty darn cute, and shes got the cutest giggle and on top of that having a willingly happy almost 13 year old.. made my day!!

Track is over but hes gotta keep up his skills!

Maddie has been dying to ride her bike on this trail behind our house since we first walked through it!