Is it summer yet?

The kids had a blast today chillin in the backyard. I surprised them with a new water toy and it went over very well! I love that a $10.00 toy got me so many thank you's and lots of giggle time for them! Im thinking this will be a life saver all summer for me!

*On another note Ive been keeping my eye on fedex and the package is in Seoul! Its in transit so Im super excited. Of course I wont get photos back for who knows how long but I love knowing that Malia will be able to start cuddling with her blanket that I made her and wear clothes that I bought!

I got'a Package People!

I sent off a package to Malia today! I am so excited knowing that she will soon have some things from home. I sent 4 outfits a couple pairs of shoes, some toys and a baby photo album with our pictures in it, some banana puffs and 2 disposable cameras with a envelope that they can mail it back to us in! I hope that happens soon!

We had a visit today from our Social worker so they can resubmit our HS and get it changed over to Korea. It will be done tomorrow but Im not sure how long it will take to get that approval back before we can finally send it to Holt for them to then get sent to Korea. AAAAAAHHHHHH! I just need it to happen fast!

Shopping!

Maddie and I did some fun shopping on Monday and found some great sales! OOO Sales momma like sales! But we went with the intention of getting some things that we can send to Malias foster mom for her. We found some adorable outfits with matching shoes! I cant wait to send them! Today we went and found a baby photo album that we can stick our photos in and she can start looking at us! Then we also found a few toys to send also, and then I will be sending one of the blankets I have made for her to. Im hoping with the cameras I send that we will start getting some photos of her. Im just dying to see her sweet little face. I had been told that the waiting is even harder after you see their face but O man I had no idea the feeling it would create. I cant even put into words how I feel. I told Tami that it was like that feeling when your child is in the road and a car is coming and you know you wont get there in time. I have felt so anxious the last few days and all I can do is sit and wait for other people to get things done for me. That is so hard. Ive had thoughts (unrealistic) of flying to Korea during the summer just so I could be with her. MAN is this hard. I sure hope this paper work stuff doesnt take to long or else Im gonna end up with an ulcer or something.

* Got a small update today... With our update last week was her last medical report. I can not believe how great they are with the medical care there for these little ones, I am so impressed! Anyways it mentioned that she has some head trama but that it had cleared.... I was a little concerned and wanted more detail and today we were able to find out that it really was just a bump on the head that happened while she was in her crib. I was relieved but so sad that Im missing out on kissing her owies.

In Memory

Memorial Day has never been anything more than a day where you bar-b-q and dont get mail to me. In our family everyone has always lived until they were quite old and it wasnt shocking or even really sad and horrible when they passed. This year.. today was different. This year I had someone to think of to mourn to love and to be thankful for.
Aspyn Jacqueline was born October 29, 2007. My sister was 38 weeks when she went for her check up only to find out little Aspyn no longer had a heart beat. I will not ever forget that phone call with my sister. I knew immediately that something had gone wrong. My sister is very strong but I could hear in her voice that she was broken.
We were able to celebrate Aspyn and have a viewing and a memorial service for her. We released balloons at her resting place and it was very beautiful.
I am so grateful for Aspyn and what she has taught me. I have been more faithful more honest and a better over all person because I want so badly to be able to see her again one day in heaven. I know she is with our Heavenly Father watching over us.
I thought of my sister all day today. How strong and brave she has been these last 7 months. She has been a great strength to all around her. I didnt want today to go by as just another day anymore. I wanted to celebrate Aspyn on this Memorial Day. So Im thinking of you little one, and thank you for teaching me things I had yet to learn and now will never forget.

Tag!

Tag.... now Maddie is it!
1. What is something mom always says to you? "That your naughty".... hmmm not sure I like where this is going!
2. What makes mom happy? "Smiles"... ok thats better
3. What makes mom sad? "Somebody that makes you sad"
4. How does mom make you laugh? "Tickly me"
5. What was mom like as a child? "You laughed when I tickled you" OK shes not getting it!
6. How old is your mom? "55"...... AWWW man
7. How tall is your mom? "This big" As far as her arms can reach
8. What is her favorite thing to do? "work" NOT!
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? "Work and write and clean up" YEP
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? "talking" watch out Oprah!
11. What is your mom really good at? "Writing on cards".... at first I thought she said riding on cars! lolol
12. What is your mom not very good at? "hmmmm I cant" AWESOME she really couldnt think of anything! I even gave her ideas!
13. What does your mom do for her job? "You write stuff"..... I have no idea where this comes from.
14. What is your mom's favorite food? "bread and food" I agree!
15. What makes you proud of your mom? "make me smile" awww
16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? "Spiderman" .... I blame Rich for that one.
17. What do you and your mom do together? "Play tea set and play"
18. How are you and your mom the same? "with clothes" we both loves shopping hehehe
19. How are you and your mom different? "you have different clothes"
20. How do you know your mom loves you? "Smiles"

Thanks Bella and Tirsa Maddie had a lot of fun! I would love to see all of my blogger moms tag their kids! Kids are hularious in the way they think!

The Mural

I had a vision of a mural and I knew I just had to get it done, Ive known how I wanted Malias room to look for almost as long as we have been doing this adoption!
Well a couple weeks ago my very good friend Tara came and started on the mural. She is so very talented and is doing a really really good job!

Here she is 2 weeks ago started the Cherry Blossom Tree (hahaha ya I got your bum!)

I couldnt believe what a great job she had done.
Now she came back today to start on all the blossoms, its quite the process having to cover the brown tree with the white and pink and boy did I feel bad for her arm!

Heres how it looks though!
I love cherry blossoms
So now the tree is done and next she will paint a little Asian girl sitting under the tree holding a blossom that has fallen from the tree... there will also be a few blossoms falling from the tree here and there! I LOVE seeing a vision come to life! Thanks Tara

Update

We already got an update on Malia today! Shes seems to be meeting all of her milestones! She is cutting 4 teeth right now which makes me sad that I am missing that. She is also creeping which means crawling in no time, this also makes me sad. I was excited to hear that she prefers her foster mother, Im so glad she has been able to bond and will have that instinct. I am heart broken that she will have to grieve her foster mother and family though, I know that will be so hard for her. I also feel heart sick for her foster mother and the pain she will have having to release this precious baby that she has taken care of pretty much from birth. I am very greatful to her!
She is rolling and grasping things and seems to be doing all the normal things a 7 month old should be! Ok so we nicknamed her chunky monkey and guess what she is!! She is a petite/chunky little thing weighing in at 17 lbs and only 23?? inches.
We are hoping to get updated photos of her soon, and also we are planning on sending a care package to her hopefully next week!
This being a mom and not having my baby is new and very hard. I want so badly just to fly over there and get her. I hope with all hope that things run smoothly and quickly so we can get her here before her first birthday which is October 6th.
We went and celebrated tonight with the Zims. We toasted to Malia, school getting out and them being homeless!! I have gotten teary with every sweet comment we have recieved through email and on our blog about our precious Malia. The support we are feeling is overwhelming. I just cant believe how loved this little girl is not only by us but by our friends and family and our blogger land family. Thank you all so very much!

No more Chunky Monkey.......

Her most precious tiny foot

Her sweetest petite hand

Ok enough teasing I know what you all really want to see!

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Ok really here she is!!

And here is the first pic I ever saw of her! I knew instantly she was was meant to be ours!
Shes no longer Chunky Monkey shes MALIA!! Well we didnt think it was going to happen today. But we are officially matched!!! Can you believe it OMG I am soo excited and just cant believe that we finally found her! Malia we can call her Malia!!

OK so seriously today has been one heck of a rollercoaster.. I got a call at 1:00 saying they wanted more info concerning my mom and I realationship... being that we dont have one. So I had to hurry and fax over our HS BUT the lady was leaving for out of town until Tuesday so she wasnt sure if we would hear until she got back or not. I was sooo sad I really felt like this was right and what do I need to say to convince them of that! But then I got a call about an hour ago and answered a few questions and then she said well I can officially match you and now you need to bla bla bla... HUH WAIT did you say we are matched???? Oh yes congratulations! OMG I started to cry!!!! I wasnt expecting that!

So now we get our HS to them and then it all goes to Korea and then Im not sure what all happens after that but we have been told we can have her home as soon as 2 months or as late as 5 months, so we are hoping for closer to 2 months!

Isnt she beautiful! Look at her sweet little hands and feet and her beautiful eyes and sweet little nose and precious little lips. AND THE HAIR!! I love that she has hair, I have so many bows for her and just cant wait for her to get here! OMG its real shes ours!! I love her so much we just love her so much and cant wait for her to get here! And now we just wait and wait and more waiting. Ok people to call and things to do but YEAH here she is isnt she lovely!!

O I love her soo soo much and the kids and Rich are just so excited!!

SSSHHHHHHhhhhhh

Guess what?? Ive been keeping a secret! For about 3 weeks now we have been trying to get matched with a beautiful baby girl from Korea. After realizing there is really no way our agency is going to get out 30 referrals in 4 months we knew it was time to see what else we could do. I have searched and searched other places that we could adopt from and have never found anywhere else that we would be approved. I have searched Korean agencies before only to find we didnt live in the right State or age etc. WELL after fasting and praying a few weeks ago I felt encouraged to google Waiting Children, and guess what I found! Holt and this gorgeous girl who was a new referral. Instantly I got on the net and started researching what were considered her SN. We decided to ask for more information, when we got it I knew instantly that I could love this little one, I felt a ping in my heart that couldnt be ignored. We sought out help reading her files from my good smart friend Haley who was able to decipher all that doctor handwriting and medical mumbo jumbo that I didnt understand. I just knew she was meant to be ours! We said yes to her the next day. Well there were 3 other families now looking at her also GRRR! So we had to wait until those families were yes' or no's. And then we would go to committee after having a phone conference. Yesterday we found out that all the other families had declined to move forward so we are the ONLY family going to committee, we had our phone conference today which went very very well!! She said she didnt see any reason that we wouldnt be accepted for Chunky Monkey (we are lovingly calling her chunky monkey... just in case)!! So now we will be presented at committee on Thursday and should have a YES or a no that afternoon!
Could you just scream!! I have! It feels so right, the circumstances that have led us here are truly things that come from faith and goodness and has taught me so much about trusting in the Lord and his plan. Now these next couple days will be torture and I will be sure to update as soon as I come off cloud 9 OR if it happens to be not so great news I will update that too, but we really really feel like she is ours! So we might just bring this baby home this summer!
*Thanks everyone for understanding the privacy thing, I will probly only keep this private for a few weeks but I needed to send a message to someone that they werent wanted on here! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers they have been felt and the encouragement has been such a blessing!
**Those of you that live near me please keep this on the down low we dont want this spreading until we know for sure we have good news! Thank you**

what plans?

So tonight I will be working on making our blog private but I first wanted to post that we have been working on a plan B which I actually think has been Gods plan A, we just didnt realize it at first. We are hoping to have more news this week so keep us in your prayers. We are feeling very blessed right now! I have come to really appreciate the "plan" I will admit being frustrated at times and having to work on the Faith part but I truely believe and have felt that as long as we follow the Spirit and go where we are guided I know I KNOW that our little Malia will find her way to us and we will have open arms. Oh my goodness I just cant wait to hold and squeeze her! See ya'll on the the land of privacy... But first I have seen this poem a few times during this process and it seems I come across it just when I need it. I couldnt put it in better words how I am feeling now and I feel like I get it and I am ok with the wait.... for now! lol

by Russell Kelfer
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said,"Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
"Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate hangs in the balance
and you tell me to Wait?
" I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

Privacy

Well I am sad to say that I am going to have to go private. It has come to my attention that I have had people on here that I wouldnt want on here. Im sad because when I started this I wanted to be able to reach out to fellow adoptee families so that I could share any info I had on the process because it took me awhile to learn how international adoption works. If any of you would like to be included leave me your addy and I will make sure you are still able to get on! I will be incorporating the privacy in a few days.

I was so right!

Ok fellow AI followers.. You heard it here first and I think most of you agreed that the final 2 would be David vs. David! I was pretty pleased with the result! I think David A is adorable and has a great voice but I do think he might not be ready to handle stardom right now so if he doesnt win it would probly be good for him even though Im sure he will still get a record deal, hopefully it will just take a little longer for him to work on it.
Now David Cook hello I think hes great I think he knows what his style is and I was happy to see him feeling humbled when he went home! I never have downloaded AI songs but I have with him. I know that he will make a record?? (do we call it that now or downloadable ITune) that I want to buy. So my hope is that David Cook will win this one.
Either way they both will be great Im sure. So hahahaha I was right nenenenenee!

Food for thought and my Ajun

I found something interesting on the internet yesterday, it was a quote by someone who sounded important and I cant remember his name but he said... "If only 7% of Christians adopted only 1 orphan there would be no orphanes." I thought that was amazing. I would say in my ward (church) that I am in right now that there is about 7% that have adopted. Now I didnt share that to spread guilt or say you must adopt I just was shocked but that small percentage!
Now on a funny note, yesterday Maddie came downstairs from playing and looked like this....

She then told me she looked like an "Ajun".... huh I said....again she said "I'm an Ajun".... (k is she saying Asian cuz I didnt even think she knew the word) Maddie are you saying Asian? "Yes Im an Ajun!" Then just to make sure I show her a picture of a little Asian girl and ask are you trying to look like her? And she says "yes my eyes look like an Ajun." I thought well that is cute, Kaden wanted dark hair to look like his sister and now Maddie is changing her eyes to look like her sister. I could tell she really thought she looked so pretty and I thought it was sweet. I remember being in elementary where kids would pull there eyes to make fun... that I will not put up with, but this was sweet and inocent and she was so proud of herself for finding a way to look Ajun. I was also excited that she knew the word because we have tried to prepare the kids that Malia will not look like us but she will still be your sister just the same. Im so proud and know that they do not care what color shape or size she is, she will be loved by them!

Lucky me!

I had a great Mothers Day! My husbands great and most of all I have great kids! I felt like I needed to thank them today, for choosing me, I feel blessed that I get to raise them and that they call me mom. I also thanked the Lord for blessing me with both of them!
Rich got up as soon as he heard the kids and went down and made me some breakfast! Then I got showered with some goodies from Bath and Body Works!!! We just got back from a great walk around the neighborhood. It was such a beautiful day, and I love ending any day feeling blessed and lucky to be who I am and to be surrounded by all the awesome people I am.
I hope you all had great days too!

The Fam

My Blessings
My sugar daddy (kinda... at least 1/2 his head)
On our walk.. my kiddos

Kadens turn!

Well Kaden doesnt make it on here as much as Maddie... he also is at school more than she is BUT he was pretty excited to see that I was finally working on a scrapbook page with his football stuff. So here it is! Sad part is, football is just around the corner... aww man!

Moms the word

Mothers day is a little more profound for me this year than it ever has been. First as you grow up mothers day is all about your own mother, then when you have your own children it gets to be about you too! Well I remeber being pregnant with Kaden and being so excited to be able to celebrate my own Mothers Day, it was special. It was the same with Maddie, I was pregnant during mothers day and I remember going into her room and just thinking and dreaming of her. Well those mothers days were easy.. this one, not so much. Its hard not just having that bundle in your arms (or belly), no control and for sure no known outcome at this point. Rich asked what I wanted for Mothers Day and I told him OOO to be a mother of 3 hehehe not an easy task at this point!
I wanted to say a huge thank you to all the mothers in my life. Being that I dont have a relationship with my own mother, I use my sister and friends as my motherly influence. I have to say I am lucky to have such great influences. My sister is so strong and brave and lovely, she is always there when I need to vent or when I need good advice or just a good laugh. She will always put others before herself and has often comforted me and others when she should have been the one being comforted. I have learned great lessons from her and so Becki thank you for being such a great Motherly Influence for me!
To my friends close, far, blogger world etc. I thank you all too! I am always learning from you all. I love to have friends to go to when I need someone to talk to and I love being there for you to. I have a wonderful friend who knows as much about our adoption as I do because she really just listens and asks questions. I have been so moved by the thoughtfulness my friends have put into learning about adoption and Vietnam. I appreciate all the thoughts and prayers that you all have had for us. I have learned from reading poems, seeing great photos, and watching videos out in blogger world. I strive to be a better mom because of so many of you.
I hope you all have a great Mothers Day. I hope you all take in that day as we all do deserve a day to be pampered. Cuz dang it, we work hard!!
Thank you again for the inspiration you have all given me, words of wisdom, and helping me move forward when at times it seemed to hard.
Love ya'll

Play Date

Maddie had Abbie over the other day and boy were they cute. They played so well together and spent a bunch of time outside riding bikes and walking their babies. I sat on the porch watching them play and the next thing I new they were walking Maddies bike (with no training wheels) into the road and Abbie was gonna get on and Maddie was going to "teach" her how to ride LOL!! Sorry Brigit, but I did stop them and let Abbie give it a go but didnt dare let her go so I made them get back on the three wheel and four wheel bikes! Anyways they had a blast and then I took them to their dance class and they were adorable. The teacher is ready to move them up to the more advanced class which is exciting but sad to. Im not sure how ready I am to let her keep getting more grown up!

Conquer fear... CHECK!

So yep Im pretty excited and pleased with myself! I totally conquered a fear of mine on Tuesday, something Ive been putting off for oooo 10 years or so. Yep thats right the dentist! I know I KNOW its disgusting its unbelievable but yes it gets worse! Its really almost been more like 20 years since Ive had a check up and cleaning, I just say 10 because thats how long Ive been responsible for myself.
My mom quit taking us to the dentist when I was between 8-10 I think. Im not sure why but it kinda quit being important. I had never had a cavity and I had always loved going because I was so proud of myself for that. Well once I was of age and responsible for myself I had a kid right away. I was more and more terrified of going to the dentist as the time went on just knowing the dentist would be disgusted with my teeth and let me hear all about it.
So about 2 or so years ago I was eating some chicken when all of a sudden there was crunching in my mouth I thought ewww a bone ummm NOPE my tooth! One of my teeth had fallen apart. I had to get a root canal and to get that done I had some medication!! Well I knew then that my mouth for sure my teeth were horrible and so I still couldnt bring myself to make that call. Well my kids go regularly and we have found a great dentist and so while the kids were getting their check up on Monday I happened to mention that I needed to get in and she said O well we can get you in tomorrow........Ummm think excuse excuse what can I say??? Nothing I had Nothing so I made the appt and all Tuesday morning I was sick to my stomach and kept thinking O I can call in and change it. Well I showed up and guess what it wasnt so bad!! I do need 4 fillings which Im sure next week I will be freaking about but they said that for a few years of not seeing the dentist my teeth looked really good LOL ummm people its more like 20 not 3 but thanks! So now with a clean mouth and some whitening on the way Im feeling better about my mouth. So Ive done it, now what fears do ya'll have that you might conquer?

*Sorry about the close up but here it is kinda scary sorry