Is it just a number??

Ever since I got married I have been so excited to get older, to get to 30 wasnt something I was dreading, I was freaking exstatic to finally reach that number. I havent been afraid to age, I was ready to embrace it. I wasnt afraid of the wrinkles and hair color can be fixed right! I have always been excited by the thought of Rich and I being that cute old couple holding hands taking walks and playing with grandbabies!
I know that a big part of wanting to get older had a lot to do with always feeling like an old soul and also getting such a young start with my family. With a lot of my friends I have the oldest kid but I am the youngest in the group, I thought once I hit 30 it seemed like a more responsible respectable age. So bring it on I thought, thats right I dont care....
Well now Im 30 and very nearly 31 gasp! I am no longer super excited. I didnt realize that with that new bigger grand number would come the changes that came. I have always worked out and now since I turned 30 I even enjoy it a lot more and do twice as much and challenge myself twice as much BUT I have to work twice as hard to get 1/2 the results.... if that! What is up with that! How does one more year make that big of a difference, especially when you are making yourself better? Is there an internal clock that says DING your 30, time to start falling apart! I cant even tell you how many zits I get now, its freaking embarrassing to come home and look in the mirror and see, crap Ive had that on my face all day??!! I NEVER had them in HS so why the heck do I have them now?
And man am I tired, Ive had trouble sleeping for a long time but it is a different tired, I just feel so lazy, I hate feeling that way.
I thought with age would come knowledge, power, self awareness and all that other crap that Oprah promises. I have found that even though I feel like I know myself better and want to have all of those things I still hunker into my hole and play my weaknesses more than my strengths. Last year was going to be my year for being who I know I am or who I want to be, and again I let things happen to me and my family that I shouldnt have. Where was my I am woman hear me roar strength thing?? I promised myself that I would start putting myself on my to do list and I have yet to do that. So Oprah do I really have to wait?? When does it happen, Im willing and waiting!!! Because at this point if it really is all down hill from 30 the next 50 years are going to not be pretty!!
So is it just a number still.. no unfortunately I think I may have become one of those women who hate to age.. I hope that changes!!