Friday, September 3, 2010

243 Long week

Well I cant tell you all how happy I am to have this week over AND we get a long weekend!!! WOOHOO!!
I have shared a little bit on here about my childhood, just snipits. I think its obvious by the lack of Grandparents or family really on here that obviously we dont have a lot in our lives.
It breaks my heart that my kids dont really have the understanding of what extended family is. Maddie gets confused as to who and what her uncles/aunts/grandparents are. And of course Malia doesnt have a clue yet. Kaden still remembers because he was old enough to remember before we cut ties.
I hurt everytime my kids accomplish something or have a game or recital and nobody to share it with. Trust me the decisions I have made were NOT easy ones, but they were ones I felt neccesary to keep my family safe and sane!
My little brother is getting married soon and I found out I wouldnt be invited to his wedding because of my moms discomfort with me if I would be there. I have tried and worked really hard to remain close to my siblings after the fall out with her. But sides were chosen and I have tried to be ok with that but have still worked hard to keep the peace with everyone.
So my little heart was completely shocked and broken because this is the my 2nd wedding of my little brothers this year that I wasnt invited to.
I always thought, of course at a wedding not everyone gets along, arent we all adults?? Cant we figure out how to get along for a day?? I know I could have and have done in the past.
So after a long week of already fighting with Maddies dance studio, having a sick and crying baby all week it was about all I could handle finding this out. It hurts and sucks to not have a close family. Even though it has been my choice I dont feel like it was by my choosing.. if that makes sense.
I know all families have quirks and drama but holy moly Im pretty sure mine takes the cake.. hello Dr. Phil??
So its been a rough week. Im really ready for the weekend to be here and try to erase this one from my memory. If the kids can just hurry and all feel 100% (that includes Rich who is a horrible sickie!) I would like to have a fantastic weekend!!
OK sorry for the Debbie Downer post.. TMI?? O well its my damn journal I can share what I want right!! So my goal this weekend is to RUN, stop chewing my nails (they are nubs after this week) stop picking off my glitter toes, and for goodness sake.. chocolate isnt actually making it go away so its time to put it down!!

Good thing I have these to make me feel better...

I did a follow up shoot with little Eva today. We were hoping to capture a few smiles. She wasnt really in the mood but we did sneak a few out of her this time.. even though we did get a few I still like her serious ones the best!!


The Burkes said...

Sorry about your bad week mine was totally awful too! It hard not having family you can count on I'm in the same boat. I've spoken with my Mom once in 10 years for 20 seconds so I totally understand your hurt and needing to disconnect from that part of your life but also hurting at the same time. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and that next week is better!

tamiz said...

It just sucks cuz everytime you get in a good place and things are "quiet" for a while the pot gets stirred all over again. We really need to live in the same town again...far away from the source of your unhappiness. You are an amazing person. I know things were a mess for you growing up and I'm constantly in awe of your ability to move forward NEVER look back or blame your past. In fact there's nothing to be blamed. No one would ever know that you grew up in such a messed up home becuase you've made huge efforts to be sure your children don't face the same circumstances. I've never heard you complain about where you "came from". You've taken the high road and are ensuring your family is safe and not the victims of your past. I'm so proud of you and know that it's hard and that you long for a NORMAL extended family situation for them. I guess you can make it up to them by being the best dang grandparents they ever saw! ((LOVE YOU))!

Stepping On Legos said...

I think you'd be surprised at how many situations probably resemble yours! I know mine does (and I'm happy to exchange stories via email!). I do have a pretty decent relationship with my Mom and Dad but they live in separate states and neither visits so I still feel really lonely and sad during recitals and other big events when there are extended families celebrating together. It's so hard - the picture we had in our heads as we got married and started our lives together looks nothing like it really is now. And I have trouble letting go of that picture (mostly for my kids sake). Tony's family is where the drama is. No relationship with them for 6 years now and my kids also have mixed memories. It is SUPER hard on Tony and really hard on me sometimes (because I feel like it's my fault).

What I wouldn't give for a regular, drama-free family. All of my close friends have pretty decent relationships with their families so it does feel pretty lonely but just know you aren't alone! And some day, your brothers are going to SERIOUSLY regret not inviting you because you can't take that back. You can throw out pictures that include someone later, but you can't add then back in when you realize the mistake you made. Sniff.

Angela said...

So sorry to hear about your week. That is alot of drama to handle! I have been in nearly the same situation with my siblings and it really hurts. Family is supposed to be loving and sweet right? Well, not always true. I have found that I can make my own family with the friends I have that love me for me. It sucks that kids have to see our unhappiness, but you are doing a great job with your kids and I have no doubt in my mind that they feel your love and support as a mom. Hang in there Kris. Love ya!!!

Elizabeth said...

Let's hope for a better week!!Sorry to hear about your family mess. I love your strong attitude though! Hang in there!!! You really are amazing!!!

Melissa said...

Sorry for the rough week! I'm very close to my family so I can't imagine not having that. Of course, we're not physically close since they live 9 hours away so I do understand not having them close for everyday events. Hopefully next week is better!

Haley L said...

Family drama is so unique because there is no real, true escape. If your family were on Dr. Phil, he would tell you that you are doing everything right! Protecting and concerning yourself with your own family (sometimes at a high cost) and focusing on the things that are in your control. Thanks for sticking with me through my crappy week as well!